I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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