omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
