i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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