I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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