it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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