Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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