In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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