You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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