I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
smell my finger.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
