Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
