I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
