we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
