You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
