My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
