we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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