also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
