He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize