smell my finger.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
