I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
