What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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