Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
