I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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