apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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