2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
