i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
