You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
