It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
