My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hippo gnu deer
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
