You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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