these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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