Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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