There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
