the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
