a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
