I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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