i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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