He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
