We won't sleep together?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
