it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
