It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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