I cannot find my penis.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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