apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
