She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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