Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
