my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
