CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
