Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
