It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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