Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
babies were throwing up all over the place
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
