So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
