1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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