So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
