Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
