I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
