home. puking in laundry basket.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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