I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize