dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish I only lived at night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
