I bet he comes in French.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
