i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
