she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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