you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
