Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
