I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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