did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party