i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard