as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.