This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the day after is always just damage control
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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