I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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