Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
