I'm lost and stupid without you.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
