also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
