DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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