I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
