Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
